Ever afraid you’re not enough?
It’s a feeling that seems to be as much apart of being a woman as giving birth but it isn’t one that we have to hold onto or live with long term.
This week you and I have been tackling tough topics together such as controlling chaos and overcoming feeling like a failure as a female entrepreneur.
That’s heavy shit, Sister!
But buckle-up Buttercup because today I want to address the underlying self-doubt that we as women were programmed with from birth.
It is that self-doubt that the patriarchy so generously bestowed upon us that often keeps women like you and I from ever finding fulfillment in life. However, that self-doubt won’t stand a fighting chance if you take a deep breathe, open your mind, and prepare to leave your current perception about “being enough” behind once and for all.
There might even be a gift in it for you if you stick around till the end.
The Dunning-Kreuger Effect – The Soothing Science Behind “Imposter Syndrome”
I’m so excited to share with you one of the single-most soothing things I have ever learned in my adult life.
If you’re having one of those days where you really need to be fucking seen and validated you’re in luck because this chart outlines what is known as the Dunning-Kreuger Effect.
The Dunning-Kruger Effect describes a cognitive bias where individuals with low ability at a task overestimate their ability, while those with high ability underestimate their competence. The graph illustrating this effect typically includes the following key areas:
- Peak of “Mount Stupid”: This is where individuals with low actual competence believe they are highly competent. They overestimate their abilities due to a lack of awareness about their own limitations.
- Valley of Despair: As individuals gain more knowledge and experience, they begin to realize the extent of their ignorance, leading to a significant drop in their self-assessed competence.
- Slope of Enlightenment: With continued learning and practice, individuals gradually rebuild their confidence, this time based on a more accurate understanding of their abilities and knowledge.
Imposter Syndrome Flare-Ups
Imposter syndrome is an incurable life-long ailment that, much like our periods, just loves to pop up at the worst times.
The most successful people in the world, especially the creatives, will tell you they still struggle with feeling like an imposter no matter what they achieve or how many awards they win. Sometimes, those achievements only make the feelings intensify!
But one of the worst things you can do when your imposter syndrome is triggered is start telling yourself that “you should be over this by now”.
I spent years doing that to myself which obviously only made things so much worse because it injected my soul with shame so intense my skin would actually feel like it was burning. Girl, there were times I was completely debilitated by it!
My advice?
Make friends with your imposter syndrome (and your period).
Instead of getting mad that your symptoms have returned, why not turn the thing you’re trying to repress into something benign and non-threatening? Turn it into something that serves you.
Swipe This Script & Put It To Work For You
“Hello old friend! I see you’ve returned to make sure that I remain humble, aligned with my core values, and within my integrity. Thank you for these helpful reminders but just know that you can trust that I am doing my best and you can rest assured now because I don’t need your help anymore today.”
Rephrase that however it works for you; but you get the idea.
Remember, it matters what you say to and about yourself in your own mind just as much as aloud.
Why Matriarch’s Never Feel Like Enough No Matter What They Do
While some women are natural-born matriarchs (find out if you are), all women go through regal and empowered seasons of life. When we are in these birthing seasons, we have the tendency to feel like no matter what we are never enough.
The Matriarch archetype however, often battles crippling life-long fear of never being appreciated for who she truly is on the inside because she believes people only value her for what she achieves or does for them. This negatively drives most of the behaviors, relationships, thoughts, feelings and life experiences that she will have from early childhood through death unless she is aware and managing it with therapy.
What Does It Mean To “Be Enough”?
No but like, for real though…
We say things like “I’m never enough” but what do we really mean by that?
Enough for who?
Enough for what?
My darling, odds are if you have said the words “I’m never enough” you’ve also said “I’m too much”, too, right?
Since you can’t be both can we just admit that neither are true because let’s get fucking real here…
“Being enough” is not something to aspire to.
Read that one again aloud this time and allow yourself to hear yourself say that.
How does that feel?
Trigger anything? (I respond to all comments personally below)
Sit still while I break this one down Babe:
The very idea that we “should” be striving to “be enough” has somehow become twisted up with our ideas about the meaning of life and our life’s journey. But My Love, those two things have no more business being together than Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes did.
I’m not going to define the meaning of your life for you but for me…its to love and be loved while spreading hope. For me the meaning of life is to LIVE. To vividly and intentionally experience all of life hands-on, 1000% engaged.
For you it could be something very different but one thing I can promise you no matter what higher power you do or do not believe in…
The meaning of the miracle of life is NOT to work.
No matter how desperately your society wants you to believe otherwise.
So once you separate your worth from your work and unsubscribe from the bullshit idea that you need to “be enough”, it starts to become more possible to begin adopting more confidence one step at a time.
In the meantime…here’s a gift I designed to help you with you self-confidence journey. They won’t work alone so I suggest you record them all in a voice note leaving a short gap after each one and listen to it then repeat the affirmation back while you’re in the shower. It will train your brain in a similar way to how you learned to read and write. For bonus points, choose one card per day to reflect, meditate or journal upon. If you wish to say thank you, sharing or pinning this post would mean a lot and of course the comments section is where I’m hoping to hear from you directly!
P.S.
For what it’s worth…I believe in you.
P.P.S.
Please don’t be shy with your feedback. I LIVE for my comments section!
