Entrepreneurship is a hot mess of an emotional roller coaster.
One minute you feel like you’ve got it all figured out the next you feel like the world’s biggest failure.
And good luck finding someone in your close circle that has any fucking clue what it’s like to wake up the owner of YOUR business every day. You go to vent and find yourself spending so much energy just trying to explain the situation it becomes more draining than the situation itself only for them to stare blankly.
I don’t care where you are in the journey to financial freedom and stability as a female entrepreneur, the feeling of failure and all the guilt and shame it carries can sneak up on you at any time.
And when it hits?!
Personally? I freeze all the way up and spin in my thoughts.
You might do the same or perhaps you use your work to escape or maybe you crumble.
All acceptable responses if you ask me BUT…
If you would prefer to arm yourself with some tools to regulate your response to feeling like a failure and convert that negative energy into something positive for yourself, then welcome.
The Connection Between Our Thoughts, Feelings & Actions
If you’ve been coaching for a while you likely already know that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are triangularly connected. The power of understanding this connection is that if we are unhappy with any or all three of those, we can work on one to positively impact the others.
Let’s say, you were a successful service provider that decided to pivot to coaching or consulting during the pandemic like most people did and your business burned down as a result. Please know you’re not alone this is a very common situation for many of us and there is no shame in your pivot or your pursuit of what’s aligned with your values in this season of life.
Because you’ve been feeling like a failure you’ve stopped exercising which is compounding your mood and causing a consistent stream of negative thoughts. You could actually choose to feel better by focusing on selecting affirmative and positive thoughts or going out for a walk. By adding regular exercise back into your routine you will gradually feel better mentally, physically, and about yourself.
Journal Your Journey
I don’t know about you but when I am in my Shadow, it’s easy for me to forget the positive differences I have made or the goals that I did accomplish. Although my husband is wonderful about reminding me about the difference he sees me making I think it is most important that I get that validation from myself.
Best way to do that?
Whip out the journal baby!
Not only can you go back through old passages in your journals to remind yourself of clients you worked with that maybe you forgot but you can also use your journal to brainstorm your favorite moments and achievements. Be sure to also include those that you worked the hardest for and really acknowledge yourself for all that you sacrificed to get to where you are today.
Reflect On Your Former Self
Another tactic I often deploy to pull myself out of feeling like a failure as a female entrepreneur is to reconnect to my former self. To do this, I meditate for a few moments with my eyes closed before imagining walking through a magical door where my former self is unexpectedly waiting.
Sometimes I imagine it’s the me that was struggling to survive a viciously abusive relationship with no idea I could be worth anything. That girl would be so relieved!
Other times I imagine its teenage me wondering how to possibly create a career for myself like Carrie Bradshaw without going to college (mission accomplished). That girl would think I’m a badass.
Then there are times when there’s just a terrified little girl on the other side of that magical door and I’m her hero.
And then I realize, I can’t call that little girl’s hero a loser or a failure or any of the other degrading names I had been wearing that day.
It might feel a bit silly at first but I can’t speak highly enough for how well this visualization technique has worked for me over the years. It has pulled me out of some dark holes and I hope it will bring you comfort as well.
Confront Your Shadow
I mentioned a moment ago that when I am in my Shadow I often spin out in negativity which is what causes me to feel like a failure. More specifically, because I am the rebel maiden archetype, when I am in my shadow I tend to fall into bad habits like:
- Abandoning boundaries
- Neglecting self-care and routine
- Chronic people-pleasing
- Constant apologizing
- Blaming myself for everyone else’s problems
Of course, all of these bring their own complications in both life and business as well.
Recently, I was struggling with all of these things as my husband and I underwent major life changes (a common trigger to look out for) as I was wrestling with where I am at the age of 35.
To overcome this, you first have to be aware that you are in your shadow and recognize the tell-tale signs. An easy way to do this is to watch my series of the 4 archetypes which will also reveal your biggest secret fear and motivator.
Once you’re aware that you are in your shadow and it has tricked you into believing you’re a failure (far from it, Sister!) you can feel better with:
- Counseling from a licensed professional
- Shadow Work Journaling
- Shadow Work Meditations
Failing Is Something We Do, Not Something We Are
I want to leave you today with a reminder and a mindset shift that serves me endlessly.
Remember, we as women are not any of our roles (wife, friend, sister, daughter, boss, mentor, grandmother, silent servant, warrior).
We as women are not our work either.
We are magic.
That means, we can never “be failures”.
If any of this resonated with you, please be open-minded to subscribing to this blog and my YouTube Channel where you can take free workshops, learn about the role of our behavioral psychology in your business, and get inspired by daily digital product “design with me” videos where you can learn to repackage content in your archives into a best-selling offer suite.